Surviving Narcissism While Staying True to Yourself

Narcissism has become a buzzword. People throw it around often, sometimes lightly. But for those who have actually experienced the damage it can cause, especially from someone close, it leaves a lasting impact. Whether in personal relationships, religious communities, or even within the entertainment industry, I’ve seen how narcissistic individuals can manipulate, diminish, or take advantage of people who are emotionally genuine.
Reading Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s book It’s Not You helped me understand that the problem wasn’t about being “too kind” or “too open.” It was about being around someone who weaponized that kindness. Narcissists often mirror what you value, only to use it as a way to get closer and take rather than give. And unfortunately, they can be very good at pretending. Not on stage, but in real life. Making it hard to spot until damage is already done.
What I’ve learned through these experiences is the importance of staying grounded in who I am. Life has a way of pulling us in different directions, but I come from a place that taught me how to stay rooted. Growing up in the Caribbean, I saw life through a lens that many in the Western world don’t always get to see. Not everyone from a developing country has the same perspective, of course, but for me, it gave me a deep and natural empathy for people. Not performative empathy. Real, lived empathy. And sometimes, that made me a little naive, but it also made me strong.
Through it all, I’ve learned to protect my energy. To set boundaries. And to continue giving, not because someone expects it, but because giving is a principle of life. I truly believe the healthiest relationships are those where both people come to give, not take.
One of the biggest tools in my healing has been music. It’s where I share the messages I’ve learned about resilience, truth, discernment, and love. It reminds me to stay genuine and never shrink myself to appease someone else’s ego. Music is where I return to myself.
Another tool that’s helped me heal is gratitude. Not just the idea of it, but the practice of it. Journaling what I’m thankful for. Taking time to sit with what’s right instead of replaying what went wrong. When you’ve been in a relationship where you were constantly questioning yourself, gratitude helps re-center you in the present.
Sometimes I struggle with posting on social media, because I don’t always want everything to be about me. After witnessing what narcissism can look like up close, there’s a part of me that wants to go the opposite direction, to hide, to stay small, to stay out of the frame entirely. But I’ve realized that if the gift I carry is meant to help or heal others, then staying hidden doesn’t serve anyone. It’s not about “look at me.” It’s about offering something with intention. When it comes from a place of truth and purpose, sharing is not selfish. It’s generous.
I’m still learning. Still becoming. But I want to keep loving people well. Intentionally. And I want to keep showing up as myself. Not a version molded by someone else’s agenda. Just me.
Further Reading & Resources:
It’s Not You by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey
Use discernment and take what resonates. Healing is not one-size-fits-all, but you don’t have to walk it alone.